


Your Name Escaped My Lips

by moncarrot



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Car Accidents, Drama, Friendship, Homosexuality, Love Confessions, M/M, Male Friendship, Memories, Other, Recovered Memories, Shounen-ai, Slice of Life, Unrequited Love, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-02
Updated: 2018-02-02
Packaged: 2019-03-12 18:01:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13552677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moncarrot/pseuds/moncarrot
Summary: its a habitual thing for the both of them to call each other. but one day, a headache, a certain dissapearance and a search.all in one chapter.





	Your Name Escaped My Lips

**Author's Note:**

  * For [(@smileflowergyu) on twitter](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=%28%40smileflowergyu%29+on+twitter).



> a favour i did on twitter, a rushed, between work hours, between sleepless nights, or during bored moments, i manage to finish this fic, to the last seconds of time, not thinking twice about my choices of grammar, even spell checking. 
> 
> my probably, very fast, super angsty habit prompted fic. ( i tried )

a name escaped his lips. his eyes slightly squinted, his cat like smile with a show of pearly white teeth. he was one of those people who will actually give you a sincere reply no matter how busy or tired he was.

‘ seungcheol ! ’

hong jisoo, well, i usually call him that but his other name was joshua hong, from the states, they said, was a colleague in few of my classes, whose attitude were the kind that will steal your heart. he was a gentleman, though he could also be seen as ethereal, i don't know if it's just me but i see him as a pure soul. other times, very unpredictable either one way or the other. he was indeed, an attractively beautiful man, standing out among the crowd, he was mainly the center of my attention. more importantly, i was firstly mesmerized by his voice. he managed to attract me with his sweet, and soft voice. 

it all started with a dare, his friends dared him to call me, shouted at my name from all the way across the courtyard. next thing we knew, we were sitting next to each other in class and it went on from there. 

‘ what is it ? ’ i asked him. he started giggling, fixing his guitar bag on his shoulder, wishing me well and bid me goodbye. he comes and go with the slightest hints, i didn't know what either. 

i may think, but, it became a habit. calling me almost every day in a week. i didn't feel any certain annoyance, or any certain hate. usually, i'll just be straight forward and told them off but with jisoo, i didn't bother at all. somehow, to me, it felt similar. the way everything was in perfect and solid chemistry. 

but one day, he didn't call me. 

not once. 

i didn't worry too much, well, at first. 

‘ maybe he's sick ’ or, ‘ maybe he was busy. ’

i told myself these lame excuses to calm my worried heart. i told myself this every single second. i couldn't focus on anything, as if a piece of me was gone. 

it felt odd. i mean, i just knew jisoo as a colleague. we never hung out, really. my group of friends and his were different so we found ourselves separated. 

is it because, its a habit ? 

i tried socializing, i tried to laugh at my friends jokes and i tried forgetting jisoo. but, who ever in the world could forget such an angel ?

and a day becomes a week. 

fragments of his voice could be heard but he was nowhere near me. as if my brain was projecting my memories. about his eyes, about his hair, about his skin, his flushed skin against mine, our bodies that grinded together. 

‘ seungcheol !! ’

but then there was shouting. jisoo was shouting. i think we were shouting. my head hurts.

‘ SEUNGCHEOL !!! ’

but the shouting stopped, the pain was stronger than before. there was a loud, unexplained sound right after. as if there was- 

‘ JISOO- !!! ’

i heaved, i inhaled and exhaled heavily. i was sweating, panting, and i was crying. damn. 

DAMN.

when did i.. when did i developed this feelings ? as if we were mutual from the start. 

but i didn't know him, not at all. 

i want to forget everything about hong jisoo. just, please make me forget. 

“ but i never wanted to forget. ”

and a week turned into two.

jisoo's disappearance was making me lose control. sometimes i could feel him tapping my shoulder, his footsteps, him strumming out tunes, but the ones that made my head aches the most, was him calling me, 

‘ seungcheol hyung ! ’

there it was again. 

four times. 

eleven a.m

one p.m

five p.m

six p.m

it doesn't make sense. 

i have been experiencing, and well, mildly recording what jisoo would do. well, at least the non- existence jisoo now. 

i need to ask someone about him. 

rather than making me go crazy. 

have i gone crazy ? 

well, who do i ask ? 

* switched to third person *

seungcheol was unshaven, not even properly dressed, his hair was a mess and apparently the the daek circles underneath his eyes were growing. 

he saw jeonghan, jisoo's roommate and somehow he finds himself running towards the man, his hands gripped his shoulder. 

‘ where's jisoo ??!! ’ he shouted, desperation in his voice, almost cracking into a plead. he wanted to see jisoo so badly, to embrace him tightly, to kiss him on the lips. 

‘ seungcheol, please... i can't do this.. ’ jeonghan tried to pry away from seungcheol but seungcheol dragged him closer. 

‘ where is jisoo ??!! ’

‘ HE'S NOT HERE, OKAY ?! !! ’

seungcheol loosened his grip, his eyes looked into jeonghan's teary eyes. 

‘ he's… he's at the hospital. he's in a coma. its already months. ’

‘ no… but he was just away for a two weeks ’

‘ its been three months hyung. its been three months. you guys were fighting because of something. jisoo was trying to stop you, and…’

‘ what happened ? ’ 

‘ there was a car, and it was speeding...’

seungcheol suddenly fell to his knees, his head in a dizzying frenzy. 

\- flash back 

‘ jisoo, you have stand up to them. they made fun of you because you we're... you like boys...’

‘ but why ? ’

‘ you have to stop them. why can't you just, please.. jisoo, i can't stand it. all the hate, its just going to hurt you more. you remembered what they did to your guitar. ’

‘i.. seungcheol please, i don't mind it at all. people will hate but, it doesn't mean i have to hate too. i promise they will leave me alone...’

‘ jisoo, i.. i can't see you like this. you know what, i'm going. i'll beat them up to a pulp and i swear after this they won't bother us-.. they won't bother you. ’

‘ but seungcheol, they didn't mean it. its just a harmless prank- ’

‘ harmless ?! what the hell you mean harmless. you suffered through all this and you said its harmless. jisoo, you don't understand- ’

‘ no, please, please just let it slide or- ’

‘ god, jisoo ! stop it. ’

seungcheol walked out the door, slammed it shut. he went down the stairs in a rush, escaping the apartment as he walked over to cross the road. he didn't see the moving car, he was too absorbed in his feelings, too hypnotized, too guilty, too ashamed. 

too much of a coward to say he liked him back. 

too afraid to be rejected.

too scared to know his answer.

but then, he felt himself being pushed aside, his body fell hard on the pavement, hitting his head hard. he couldn't hear anything but a piercing hum and his view went hazy. he rubbed his eyes, trying to avoid the bright light in front of him. he saw jisoo lying in a pool of blood. jisoo trying to reach his hand, on his face was a smile seungcheol remembered from the first time he met jisoo. 

\- flash back end.

 

‘ after that, you had a short term amnesia and the only thing that you forgot was jisoo. you kept smiling and talking to an empty space, as if you're hallucinating your old memories. jisoo… today.. today's the last day.. they're going to put him off life support. ’ jeonghan said, tears streaming down his cheeks. 

‘ we… we have to go.. we need to go now ! ’

in such a hurry, they made their way to the hospital, seungcheol pushed his way through everyone, not evem bothering about his injured harm as he slipped down on the floor. he found out jisoo's room from jeonghan, barged in without warning. there was doctors and nurses all around him, he shouted,

‘ doctor !! please, please don't..’

‘ boy, i know its hard but we can't help this patient anymore. hes too deep in his coma, he won't wake up again. ’

‘ doctor.. please, please give me a chance. ’

‘ you.. you have ten minutes. ’

seungcheol held jisoo's hand, he kissed it so many times. jisoo, who was in a deep sleep, he looked beautiful. still, beautiful. ‘ jisoo.. ’ seungcheol took a deep sigh, not being able to breathe well as his head started to spin. unlike his speech, he went on.

‘ jisoo, im here... i.. im sorry for being so stupid, running off like that. on that day, i should've just told you that... that i loved you and i wanted to kiss you and just hug you.. and sometimes, i feel jealous when you were too close with your friends or, when you came to my door crying about how you found out your sexuality, and the guy that you liked.. i was so selfish, so jealous that i wished you suffered more than i did. with this feeling… when you talked about him, when you said hoe he was your role model, how he smiled, and his.. his heart.. he sounds like a good guy. i'm glad you found… you found someone..’

seungcheol felt jisoo's hand curled up. 

‘ cheol. ’

those dry lips calling his name, like a habitual saying. 

‘ seu..ng...ch..cheol..’ 

seungcheol saw jisoo, tired, beautiful jisoo trying to stretch his lips into a smile. 

‘ y..you.. id..iot..’

seungcheol hugged him, his almost lifeless shell in his arms. 

‘ don't leave. ’

‘ i won't. but we will. ’

seungcheol smiled, closing his eyes. 

‘ promise me ? ’

‘ yeah. i promise. ’

when the doctors arrived, they saw seungcheol lying his head on the side of the bed, his hand holding jisoo's hand as the lifeline went flat. they shook seungcheol's body, and worriedly the tried to wake him up. they checked his pulse, and there was none. 

there were noises. people, jeonghan, screeching, clicking, the sounds of business. 

but among those sounds, one i could hear so clearly. its like a habit for us. 

‘ jisoo. ’

his name escaped my lips.

**Author's Note:**

> i'll edit this soon. thanks a lot for reading.


End file.
